Dear community,
Every time I return here to our ancestral home in the South of Manila, I am brought back to the necessity of simply tiny rituals. In this suburban neighbourhood, without much stimulation as a city – simple things become amplified, and exciting. Here are some mundane magical moments.
The lunch-time conversations are about how the neighbourhood white-tailed squirrels come into our garden at night to eat their nuts on our table, and we witness the aftermath every morning. It’s comforting to know that the squirrels make a midnight gatherings of our garden at odd hours. I imagine it’s a mini party for them while everyone sleep, ala Alice in Wonderland.
Every evening at 10pm, I bring our wild rottweiler Anya into my Mother’s room to sleep beside her, a new habit I persuaded to create an intimate evening transition into the vulnerable hours of the dark. Anya and I are very fond of each other. We hang out every night, I lean on her wide belly like it’s my pillow, while she demands to be pet. She’s a ferocious guardian and intensely caring.
Last week, after a heated family argument, two days later, I accidentally shattered an old plate (that we have had for genarations) – into tiny pieces all over the kitchen floor. We have a Filipino superstition that believes that if you break something, it clears the energy in the house. Immediately, I was in utmost relief. It was finally time to clear the air. That day, we all naturally returned to ‘speaking terms’, cooked for each other, and helped each other clean.
Every morning, I ritualistically make a cup of sikwate (local cacao) with cardamom and muscovado for my Mother and I. A small gesture to start the day. Somehow, these gestures help hold the ground together. If the going is good, I wake up and make sikwate. If the going gets rough, I still wake up and still make sikwate.
Everything else in between is work, practice, and caregiving.
My main reason for returning to Manila, as I have been returning to since I left the Philippines in 2013, is the commitment of caregiving. However, for the past 13 years, I only return for 1-3 weeks. Now, I am here a little longer, with fragility in the knees our elders, and the vulnerability for elders to be dependent; amidst their hyper-independent upbringing.
There is also this feeling of regressing when you come back into your ancestral home. A lot of childhood memories arise, and I become in awe as to how I have evolved and completely changed. Sometimes, there is a quiet anxiety of ‘What if I return to how I was, by being in this familiar environment?!’ But I have learned that we don’t have to listen to the 60,000 thoughts we have per day, and end up laughing at myself. Also, our cells really do regenerate every 7 years.
This ancestral house is where I process most of the generational gunk – it is in the dusting of the walls, cleaning of the closets, running the family errands, the harrowing many empty rooms that were once filled, and oftentimes, questioning the multitude of ruptures in this family that we have to navigate in a non-confrontational society. Phew.
And, me being from a Sindhi lineage in a Filipino family, I am all about a willingness to confront, which I have definitely learned from my paternal line. But, I am ‘enforced’ to keep quiet most of the times. I learned to push those edges, gently yet honestly – always, but that slight nudging gets me into trouble, at times. My long standing friends are the few that are willing to have tender, trustworthy, and truthful conversations. With plenty of play and pleasure in between.
All of these meandering thoughts that I piece together come to me usually at odd hours, when the world quiets down. Probably, the same time the squirrels are munching on their nuts, I ponder on the ancestral threads left behind for me to weave. Squirrels are also known to be organised, resourceful, and playful. Some of the crucial quality to get me through this season!
Some days ago, I wrote a brief article on generational trauma, epigenetic, and the role of somatics — inspired by confronting, cleaning, and living in my ancestral home.
And, not all of it is gunk, some of it is witnessing the joy – for example, the elders in the neighbourhood playing mahjong with disco music in my Mother’s colourful vibrant garden. It’s a vibe, I tell you! I will always cherish these moment when they are happy together.
While, for those facing adrenaline fatigue, those overworking, those caregiving as well, those tending to others a little more than yourself, I see you. Here are some signs to watch out for to have foresight on adrenal fatigue and prevent long term chronic pain or burn out.
Lastly, upcoming Somatic offerings in Singapore below, more offers to follow soon. Along with a fundraiser I am preparing for, also in Singapore – read about it below.
May we continue to weave the treads that our ancestors have left for us to continue. May we have the odd midnight gathering in the garden munching on nuts. May we find joy in our morning cup of cacao, and to always share it with others in the house.
All my love,
Chloe
